Monday, March 8, 2010

Neither Wind nor Rain.

I planted seeds today.  It was sort of a devil-may-care, fate-be-damned kind of act on my part, mostly because a woman in my situation shouldn’t be sowing into ground that might be someone else’s at any moment.  But today I didn’t care. 

You see, I’m tired of waitingAnd I’m tired of loss. 

So during a coldly sunny moment this afternoon, while Siennalee napped sweetly, I ran outside armed with last year’s leftover seeds, my still winter-stiff purple gardening gloves, a trowel and my trusty organic fertilizer.

I’d already scoped out my raised bed when I weeded it this last weekend and knew right where I needed to plant.  I scratched the fertilizer into the dirt, carefully added the seeds (lettuces and peas), buried them, and ignored the spills due to my shivering and the blasts of icy wind that blew down unexpectedly.  By the time I got the remaining snow peas tucked into their little semi-circle, I was feeling pretty good. 
Chilly, but good. 

I was doing it. 

I was making something happen.  

Even though the ground may not even be mine by the time the little sleeping seeds awake and grow and produce, by golly, something’s going to happen.  Standing there, quaking slightly in the cold light, I felt like I was standing up to fate.  For all this endless waiting and loss we’ve endured, something good is going to happen. 

That’s when   something  did  happen.       Standing there,  shivering and gazing contentedly down at the quiet little rows of upturned earth, I suddenly felt whispers of chill drift down on me; I scrutinized the dirt incredulously and then looked up at the sky. 

It was snowing. 

But come winds or rains or weird March snows,    my seeds are planted.


Rebekah said...

Brave woman!

Momae' said...

Jessica.. I identify with your courage to face your future. I think with the living breathing King of Kings as our shield we are going forward in this life on this earth. Why? He has given us today. We the redeemed seize today. Then tomorrow. Then the next day as He gives us life on this earth.

bluecottonmemory said...

This is so beautiful. I recognized that feeling of loss and the desire to plant hope. It didn't snow on our first day of Spring, but I laughed at how it snowed because that's how it would happen to me. I think God knows we're tough women who can plant in hope and handle the snow.

Then I went in search of your loss - such a beautiful tribute. We have a new daughter-in-law (and I still have a bunch of little ones) - and I hope that is exactly how she feels one day. It's like planting seed into someone's life in the hope of a relationship - and initially it starts snowing - but there is that hope, that nuturing.

Did you write the poem for for Father in Law? If you did, it is awesomely beautiful! As was every single other word:)